A best man or maid of honour is the person the couple chooses to stand by their side throughout the entire wedding process. The term covers a role with practical, social and tradition-bound duties, and although the title sounds formal, in practice it is about being the bride's or groom's closest helper and confidant from the moment planning begins right up until the guests have gone home.

The role in the run-up to the wedding

Much of what a best man or maid of honour does happens long before the day itself. They are often a steady sounding board when decisions need to be made about everything from the guest list and venue to outfits and themes. The role can be as active as the couple wishes: some are on top of small deadlines and arrangements with suppliers, while others are primarily there as a calm voice when nerves set in.

A classic task is to arrange the stag or hen party. Here they typically take charge of gathering the friends, keeping the plan secret and making sure the day suits the person it is all about.

They also act as a link between the couple and the guests. Questions about dress code, transport or gift wishes often go to the best man or maid of honour instead of to the couple themselves, so they can concentrate on the bigger picture.

Duties on the wedding day itself

On the day, the role changes character and becomes more practical. It is often the best man or maid of honour who arrives early, keeps track of the schedule and steps in if something does not go as planned. A large part of the job consists of relieving the couple of the small worries, so they can be present in the moment.

Among the concrete tasks are welcoming guests, helping to direct people to the right places and keeping in touch with the toastmaster and suppliers along the way. They are also the person many turn to if there is any doubt about the programme.

An important detail is the responsibility for the rings. At many weddings, it is the best man or maid of honour who keeps the wedding rings until the ceremony itself and hands them over at the right moment.

The difference between a best man/maid of honour and a witness

The best man or maid of honour and the witness are often confused, but they do not cover quite the same thing. A witness is a legal function: at a civil ceremony, two adults must witness that the marriage is entered into, and their signature has legal significance. A church wedding does not always require witnesses in the same way.

The best man or maid of honour, on the other hand, is a traditional and social role with no fixed legal content. In practice, however, it is very common for them also to act as one of the official witnesses, so the two roles fall to one person. You can perfectly well have a best man or maid of honour who is not a witness, and vice versa - it depends entirely on how the couple chooses to set it up.

Who do you choose?

There are no fixed rules about who can take on the role. Traditionally, the bride and groom each choose their own, often a sibling or a close friend, but it is just as common to choose a parent, a colleague or someone you have known all your life. Some choose several, and there is nothing wrong with sharing the role.

What matters is not the title, but the trust. A good best man or maid of honour is typically someone who knows the couple well, can be relied upon in high-pressure situations, and who wants to spend time on both the preparations and the day itself.

Gender plays no part. A woman can perfectly well be the groom's chosen one, and a man can be the bride's - the choice follows the relationship, not tradition.

Responsibility for the rings

The rings are one of the most visible areas of responsibility. Because the ceremony hinges on the rings being present at the right moment, it is a task that requires care. Many keep the rings in a pocket or in a small case until the ceremony and keep an extra close eye on them during the festivities beforehand.

Here it is worth knowing the difference between the rings that are part of a wedding journey. The engagement ring comes first, at the proposal, and is often a solitaire ring with a single centre stone - for example a round solitaire ring or an oval solitaire ring in 14K gold or white gold.

The wedding rings are the ones exchanged during the ceremony itself, and these are typically the ones being guarded. It is becoming more and more common to choose two rings - one engagement ring and one wedding ring - and for the wedding, the choice often falls on a ring with diamonds all the way or halfway around, such as a medium eternity ring or a large half eternity ring. If the couple wants a look with a larger centre stone flanked by two side stones, a round trilogy ring can also come into play.

For the best man or maid of honour, the practical advice is simple: keep track of which rings are needed when, and who hands them over.

The speech

One of the tasks many most associate with the role is the speech. It is not a requirement, but at many weddings the best man or maid of honour gives a speech during the reception, with room for anecdotes, warm words and a twinkle in the eye. The speech is an occasion to talk about the relationship with the couple as seen by someone who has been close.

There is no set length or form. A short, personal speech often works better than a long one, and most agree with the toastmaster on when the speech fits into the evening's programme.